Three Grounding Life Rules: Ever heard of the Silver Rule?

Golden Rule

Most people have heard of the Golden Rule, whereby “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.”

Well, there can be a problem with this. Kim appreciates people who are “brutally honest” in their communication style, whereas, Jared appreciates people who are “lovingly honest.” These are very different styles, which can be annoying enough that both parties miss the message itself. 

Platinum Rule  (Tony Alessandra and Michael O'Connor)

These authors zeroed in on the dilemma presented by the Golden Rule. The Platinum Rule instead suggests one should consider “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” 

Although not perfect, applying either of these two rules as the situation calls for it, can create a more fluent dialogue between two people, allowing them to focus on the issue instead of each other’s style. 

Silver Rule:  Nassim Nicholas Taleb (2018) 

Back in the 1990s, I worked for a short while with a group of women at Duke Medical Center, all of whom had expressed some form of abuse going on in their lives at that time. Being so immersed in relationship dysfunction, almost all of them felt confused regarding whether or not they deserved their experience of negative treatment. 

As a result of this phenomenon, I created back in 1994 what I called The Silver Rule:   “Don’t let others do to you what you would not do to them.” This simple rule offered them clarity when a situation arose that was clearly inappropriate. This started creating within them an inner voice that allowed them to later vocalize their refusal to allow this treatment to continue. 

Note. I had yet to publish what I thought was my original quote twenty years ago and am glad Taleb was a like-minded thinker so that others reading his work can experience a helpful “Aha!”