Taming the Need to Control: The Law of Polarities

You probably don’t like controlling personalities. Neither do I. Neither do others. What if you’ve been described that way? It feels safe, right? And now it’s almost a set part of your personality. 

You then see people in leadership positions garnering respect and team support without any hint of controlling others. It can also be noted in healthy parenting how children balance evenly added responsibilities with the reward of more freedom. 

What are the dynamics going on here? The Law of Polarities holds that more is less, and less is more. Let me explain. The more you give away control, the more you get it. Of course it’s wise to practice this first on those most trustworthy of handling responsibilities without being micromanaged. Also, you can always take it back if you find that necessary. Nothing is in stone, and neither is one’s need to control. 

Example: You admit a mistake, and your credibility goes up, not down. You make yourself human, and in so doing, you make it safe for others to share their mistakes with you. People who are afraid of making a mistake due to a controlling personality, whether at work or at home, tend to make more mistakes. Control can be costly. 

While people avoid controllers, they tend to be drawn to those who offer some freedom of movement, some appreciable level of trust. The heightened need to control can explain in part attrition at work, divorce at home, unhealthy teenage rebellion, etc. 

So making a gradual change of letting go of control can allow proper growth and development in both the giver and receiver.